STEPHEN Kelly was back in Fulham’s starting eleven but Damien Duff is still injured and doesn’t look any nearer to a return to training. I prayed to Saint Anthony for him the other night. I did the same for Terry Waite, Sinead O'Connor and Gary Waddock in 1990.

Let’s see how Ireland’s finest did this week……

STEPHEN Kelly was back in Fulham’s starting eleven but Damien Duff is still injured and doesn’t look any nearer to a return to training. I prayed to Saint Anthony for him the other night. I did the same for Terry Waite, Sinead O’Connor and Gary Waddock in 1990.

Keith Fahey was a starter for Birmingham once again at home to Blackpool. He played his part in the 2-0 win where once again Stephen Carr was in awesome form. He is already a shoe-in for the Premier League team of the year, but luckily we don’t need him in the international set-up as we are blessed with Paul McShane and Kevin Kilbane. Why God? Whhhyyyyyy?

Stoke lost 2-1 at home to Manure – John O’Shea, Jon Walters, Rory Delap and Marc Wilson all featured. Darren Gibson and Glenn Whelan were unused subs. Oh dear.

Keith Andrews failed to make the bench for Blackburn at Liverpool.

Richard Dunne scored an own goal as his Aston Villa team went down 1-0 to Sunderland. Andy Reid didn’t make the bench. Ciaran Clarke was an unused sub for Villa and must secretly hope Dunney returns to his halcyon days at Citeh where he consumed seven cans of Stella before training.

Ten-man Man City lost 3-0 at home to Arsenal with Joe Hart saving a penalty and generally being quite good despite the scoreline. Life is not fair and one does wonder if Shay used to eat babies in a previous incarnation, to deserve what he is getting at the moment.

James McCarthy was stretchered off with a suspected broken leg. He is expected to be out for up to ten weeks and sadly will not be involved in the upcoming international friendly against Norway.

Spurs drew 1-1 at home to Everton. Robbie Keane played no part just like young Shane Duffy on the Everton bench, who this time four months ago was almost dead so at least he has an excuse. Seamus Coleman did play and managed to nullify Gareth Bale throughout, answering the criticism levelled at him that he can’t defend. He can indeed defend, critics, so stop your spud-bashing and if you want to direct criticism at Irish players that cannot defend, then look no further than Sean St Ledger. He and his Preston back-four have now conceded 29 goals in the Championship. By my maths, this is pretty shite. Keith Treacy, however, scored again. He isn’t shite.

Roy Keane’s Ipswich went down 2-0 to his old side Nottingham Forest, with young Mayo man, Ronan Murray getting a run-out. The omens are against young Murray as there hasn’t been a scoring Mayo forward since the late, great Willie-Joe Padden who isn’t dead but if, like me, he watched the Mayo county final on TG4 today, probably wishes he was. Something is going wrong at Spud Production inc, Ipswich Town. On this form one wonders how long before the factory does the very Irish thing of the moment and closes down and relocates somewhere, just like Sunderland did with Ipswich? So where will it be next?

Synopsis

James McCarthy will miss the Norway international, but as Mr. Miyagi used to say “sunrise , sunset” because David Meyler is about to return to training for Sunderland and a Dutch midfielder called Barry Maguire has more or less declared for us. Celtic fans will remember him as he scored for Utrecht in their 4-0 Europa League mauling of the Hoops back in August. Trap and Richie Dunne are in Jerry McGuire mode lately uprooting partially grown foreign spuds who probably realise they will never get a chance to grow in their actual home soil anyways. But it’s those nasty Brits who stole our best seeds already – Kevin Keegan, Paul Scholes and even Gazza could all have played for us. The Brits, a bad bunch of lads.

Some songs on the ipods of some of the Irish footballers

Shay Given:

Somebody Save me – Smallville theme tune

What have I done to deserve this? – Pet Shop Boys

If I could turn back time – Cher

Jealous Guy – John Lennon

Ciaran Clarke:

Signed, Sealed, Delivered – Stevie Wonder,

Don’t look back in Anger –Oasis

Aiden McGeady:

You’re as cold as ice– Foreigner

Damian Duff:

Big in Japan –Alphaville,

Kevin Kilbane:

Bad – U2

End of the road – Boyz 2 Men

James McCarthy:

Hurt –Johnny Cash,

Two Months Off – Underworld

Robbie Keane:

The Littlist Hobo Theme tune,

Free falling – Tom Petty

I’ve been everywhere now – Johnny Cash

Shane Duffy:

Stayin Alive – The Bee Gees

Paul McShane:

Everyday I love you less and less -The Kasier Chiefs

Gary Breen:

He aint Heavy – The Hollies

Snooker loopy – Chaz n dave

Ballad of a thin man – Bob Dylan

Seamus Coleman:

“DO” believe the hype – Public Enemy,

“Flash” – Queen,

“God Only Knows what I’d be without you” – The Beach Boys,

I am the one and only (promising prospect) -Chesney Hawkes ,

and some non-Irish playlists

Gazza:

Just a gigilo (I ain’t got nobody) – Louis Prima,

Happy Hour again – The House Martins

Wayne Rooney:

I’m stickin with you – Velvet Underground,

Money (That’s what I want) – Barret Strong,

Arsene Wenger :

All the young dudes – Mott the Hoople

Nwanku Kanu:

Piece of my heart – Janis Joplin

Andy Carroll:

Kiss with a fist– Florence and the machine

Glen Johnson:

Been Caught Stealin – Janes Addiction

John Terry:

OPP – Naughty By Nature

Andy Goram:

Just the two of us – Grover Washington/Bil Withers