Spud Watch: The Lay of the Land, Part 4

In the final part of our look at the state of the Republic of Ireland squad ahead of Euro 2012, Spud Watch finds a new role for Kevin Kilbane and ponders the unthinkable; Stephen Ireland should phone home.

Heroes and Villains

Richard Dunne and Shay Given no longer need justification or vindication. All that matters is that they are fit by the summer.

Dunne’s injury is sending off alarm bells. I don’t want to think about him not making it.

Given popped up on Sky recently doing some punditry. They all do it, I suppose. Footballers careers are finite. You would fear for Paul McShane though. When he finishes up in football, what will he do? He’ll end up in Saigon like Christopher Walken in the Deerhunter, playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded shotgun.

Ciaran Clark – has taken the punches of being on the Villa bench and reserve team for nigh on a year and, admirably, just got on with things. His chance eventually came game against Arsenal, where he gave away a penalty. He got other opportunities, notably in the cup (scored a tremendous goal) and he’s figured at left-back in recent games. Clark can play anywhere in midfield or in defence. Kevin Kilbane cannot. I like Kevin Kilbane. He is sound. But sound doesn’t really cut it. The only sound people who are of real worth are fat girls who willingly give blow-jobs, but sound fat girls can’t play anywhere in midfield or in the back-four. By this logic Ciaran Clark must be in the Ireland squad and not Kilbane.

God bless Kevin Kilbane though, he gave everything for his country, and hopefully he will be allowed to join the team in an ambassador role, like Becks on the bench for England in South Africa, on the bench beside Trapattoni wearing a Gary Waddock mask.

Robbie Keane’s move to Villa looks like being another nice slice of luck for Trappatoni. Keane, if he stays fit, will be going into the Euros having had a good stint in the Premier League and perhaps the catalyst in making the prodigal son return…

Stephen Ireland – Glenn Whelan is the first midfielder on the Ireland team-sheet these days, that’s just the way things are. I’ve accepted this now, like someone having to face terminal illness. Most likely Darren Gibson, Andrews and Paul Green will be the other players. Stephen Ireland now goes into work everyday with Richie Dunne, Robbie Keane, Shay given, Ciaran Clark. Now Clark is not full on Irish. He’s more like those Irish-American lads you meet over in the states that want to talk about The Old Country, about what’s going on back in the land of blarney. And really he doesn’t even know what a Blarney is (nobody does) nor has he ever watched Bracken.

But Keane, Dunne, and Given are Irish, very Irish, and they are abroad. And when you’re abroad, and your talking to other Irish people, you feel a kinship. You end up striking conversations and relationships with people who you would walk right past on the street if you met them outside of Heatons back home. Stephen Ireland is Irish. He grew up here (his spaceship crashed in Cobh after leaving ET’s planet).

And every day he is abroad talking to these Irish lads at work (We’ve all done it. I did it myself. I used to meet Irish people everyday and you start missing home. You start breaking down crying every time someone mentions Bryan Dobson or you see a bag of Roosters in a supermarket). So each day Ireland is talking to these fellow Irish lads, about Ireland, the national team and what he is missing. I believe that he is starting to pine for it again. And really and truly, if it meant Paul Green – who’s not really proper Irish, he’s never had a priest’s hand on his head – misses out then so be it.

We need Stephen Ireland and we should let bygones be bygones and accept him with open arms. We need people like this

… the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved …”

The Championship

The great, Sean St. Ledger. There was talk of him being on the road again for the second time in six months. I’ve had enough of him. We’ve all had enough.

“In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.”

Paul Green is on the way back to full fitness? I would have been happier with a Tsunami warning.

Meanwhile at Hull

The Man U young lad Robbie Brady is shining on his loan spell at Hull learning the ropes off Kevin Kilbane and Paul McShane. He’s in safe hands over there. Like when Bert and Ernie had to look after their nephew.

In Scotland

F*ck you Tony Stokes. F*ck you.

Music on the iPods of Spud Watch and the Irish players

Mr. Spud Watch

David Byrne – Mea Culpa

Johnny Nash – I can see clearly now

Jackie Wilson – Since you showed me how to be happy

Trapattoni

Joan Baez –God on my side

Instant Funk – I got my mind made up

Mary Black – As I leave behind Zinedine (Kilbane)

I Ragazzi del Sole – So che tu non credi ( Something you got)

Dick Dunne

The Stone Roses – Made of stone

Damien Duff

The Stone Roses – I am the resurrection

Sean St Ledger

Stone Roses – Bye bye badman

Robbie Keane

Ll Cool J – Goin back to Cali

Paul McShane, Paul Green

Duran Duran – Save a prayer

Frank Sinatra – Send in the clowns

Stephen Ireland

Etta James – At Last

War – Why cant we be friends?

Leon Best

Syl Johnson – Is it because I’m black?

Glenn Whelan

Beyonce – Irreplaceable

Marc Wilson, Tony Stokes, Paul McShane

Eddie Cochrane – Summertime Blues

The Beastie Boys – Triple Trouble

Seamus Coleman/ Kevin Doyle

Georgie Fame – Somebody stole my thunder

James McClean

Talking Heads – Thank You For Sending Me An Angel

Hall and Oates – You make my dreams come true

Cheap Trick – I want you to want me

Bill Withers – Use me

Mario Balotelli

John Kongos –He’s gonna step on you again

Talking Heads – Burning down the house

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